Frustration, inside;
There’s no one who sees.
Desperation, inside,
The frantic disease.

Inside, all inside;
Appearing unstirred.
Untroubled, outside;
The tempest unheard.

Play me then a merry tune,
Play me from my woes;
Banish mind,
My thoughts compose,
And play my afternoon.

Hide me now, and keep me blind!
Hide me from the truth:
Darkness comes,
Devours my youth;
Oh, hide me here, enshrined.

Still moon moves and sun succumbs,
Melodies unwind;
Dusk too soon,
I’m left behind,
Alone to wait the day.

No change,
No change
In work or play.

Steady,
Stagnant,
Tame decay;

Tired,
Familiar,
Life as cliche.

Uncommon,
Different,
Something new;

Defiant,
Disturbed,
Contrary few.

Surprise,
Confound,
Avoid routine;

Live life
As human,
Not as machine.

Do you hear the longing in my words?
Is that why you seem so deterred
When I’ve barely had time to speak?

What is it you see?
What is it you hear?
Won’t you please tell me?
Be sincere, no, severe!

I’ll change, and I’ll hide
That which pushes away;
I’ll keep it inside,
And no longer betray

My desire, the lust
For a soul understanding;
For a deep, certain trust,
For that love undemanding.

But it’s still just pretend,
For my longing, that ache,
Breaks through and offends,
Reveals my composure as fake.

And then they see the desperation in my eyes,
And they wave good-bye without waiting to know

Or hear the wistful words that die
On the lips of an admiring freak.

How did I get here
And can I go back?
The future’s not clear;
My vision’s gone black.

Dare I go on,
Must I keep to this course?
Is the past really gone,
Am I cut off from my source?

No longer a choice,
The path has been taken;
No longer a voice
To say, “I was mistaken.”

Let confidence come,
And then tear self-doubt to shreds.

Let sadness fade,
And let not happiness be prey

Nor hope succumb
To life’s many fickle threads.

Let anger go,
And cast out suspicion too;

Let fear escape,
With despair as well to follow.

Let power flow,
To fight all existence through;

And let courage find shape
In a heart no longer hollow.

Let light invade,
And lift the veil,
Of darkness in the mind;

Let mind evade,
Once more prevail,
No longer be confined.

Let light crusade
And pierce the veil
Of darkness in the mind;

Let light invade,
And without fail,
Give sight back to the blind.

Breaking down the wall
That just won’t go away;
Chip here and there, but though I try,
The wall seems set to stay.

It hides my mind, conceals my soul,
And yet how I long to show
The world who I really am;
Bask in recognition’s glow.

Let in the light,
Let people see,
Let someone know me true;
The wall blocks out,
The wall obscures,
Lets only figments through.

And yet here I am, behind the screen,
Wait for someone to see in,
Past the wall my self’s put up to keep
My heart’s hope from growing thin.

A paradox, it seems, but while
There’s no one able to know
My mind complete, still there’s a chance
To be found when out I go.

And thus the wall protects, and guards my soul,
Somehow keeps alive the flame,
For though there may be failure and defeat,
There’s always the wall to blame.

Nonetheless, and facetiousness aside, I can’t help but think that in some cases “they” are absolutely right – and this is one of them. No matter where in the world you find yourself, no matter what you bring with you or what you leave behind, there’s always one thing that remains the same, one thing that you can’t get rid of even if you wanted to.

Now that’s not to say that I think a person can’t evolve and grow, or that a new place is little more than a change of scenery. (Certain locales are obviously more conducive to certain lifestyles or habits, for example, or they offer you opportunities – or challenges? – that other places can’t.) I also don’t mean to suggest – even implicitly – that I necessarily want to leave myself behind or get rid of my past …though I guess you could argue that any move, regardless of its stated purpose, involves some form of “escape” from your prior self, whether consciously intentional or not.

In any event, my point is, as I said, not that you can’t change yourself nor that your surroundings don’t matter. It is, rather, that just picking up and shuffling yourself away to a different spot on the globe and expecting that that will change everything all on its own… well, it is, to put it politely, nonsense. Actually, it’s utterly ridiculous. It’s completely insane! And what’s more, it’s also…

…it’s also completely understandable.

Heck, I’ve been doing this for years, moving from place to place with that exact expectation in mind, and apparently am only just now fully realizing the inescapable truth of the little aphorism that started this blog post.

Again, I don’t mean to suggest – especially not to those few of my (also very few) regular readers who know my situation – that this is entirely personal or that it’s borne out of present dissatisfaction: I am, on the whole, happy with my move and am optimistic – if sometimes a bit cautiously – about my future possibilities. It’s just that, with this move in particular, I’m finally accepting that, though location does matter, ultimately it matters far less than what you bring with you.

It’s not the material things, of course, but instead the things that only you yourself can sense: the mental lens through which you view the world, the memories that inevitably color the way you perceive (and remember) your new experiences… even the hopes and dreams that can irresistibly persist even through changing circumstances.

It’s all these things, and more, wrapped up tightly in a relatively small, fairly fragile skull that is – future bio-technological advances notwithstanding – our only truly persistent home throughout life.

And so it is like they say: wherever you go, there you are. Because wherever you are, wherever it is in the world that you choose to rest your head, the universe ultimately only makes one guarantee, only offers us that one X-mark of certainty in our otherwise uncertain journeys.

“You are here.”