Sticky Thoughts

Small steps forward;
Looking back,

Fall behind;
Stay on the track.

Crawling forward,
Nails gone black;

The goal in mind,
Keep up attack.

My future selves go different ways,
Don’t know which one to follow;

Behind, my past selves mark the maze,
All statues now gone hollow.

Lost in the light,
With no one there to see;
Then shadows come,
And darkness sets me free.

Free to retreat,
To find that place inside,
Where worlds are made
To hide the world outside:

A world too bright,
Too real to comprehend;
The dreams preserve
The peace of just-pretend.

But morning waits,
Awaits my tired return;
I brave the light
To one more darkness earn.

Gotta go forward;
I don’t know where I’ll end up,
But here goes nothing…

Screaming inside;
There’s no one who hears.
Aching inside,
For too many years.

Frustration, inside;
There’s no one who sees.
Desperation, inside,
The frantic disease.

Inside, all inside;
Appearing unstirred.
Untroubled, outside;
The tempest unheard.

Take me out unto the day,
Take me from this night;
Drown the moon,
Set sun alight,
And take me far away.

Play me then a merry tune,
Play me from my woes;
Banish mind,
My thoughts compose,
And play my afternoon.

Hide me now, and keep me blind!
Hide me from the truth:
Darkness comes,
Devours my youth;
Oh, hide me here, enshrined.

Still moon moves and sun succumbs,
Melodies unwind;
Dusk too soon,
I’m left behind,
Alone to wait the day.

I’m finding myself,
There I am; then lost again.
Where should I look now?

Same thing,
Same thing
Every day;

No change,
No change
In work or play.

Steady,
Stagnant,
Tame decay;

Tired,
Familiar,
Life as cliche.

Uncommon,
Different,
Something new;

Defiant,
Disturbed,
Contrary few.

Surprise,
Confound,
Avoid routine;

Live life
As human,
Not as machine.

Do you see the desperation in my eyes?
Is that why you’re waving good-bye
When I’ve hardly had time to say hello?

Do you hear the longing in my words?
Is that why you seem so deterred
When I’ve barely had time to speak?

What is it you see?
What is it you hear?
Won’t you please tell me?
Be sincere, no, severe!

I’ll change, and I’ll hide
That which pushes away;
I’ll keep it inside,
And no longer betray

My desire, the lust
For a soul understanding;
For a deep, certain trust,
For that love undemanding.

But it’s still just pretend,
For my longing, that ache,
Breaks through and offends,
Reveals my composure as fake.

And then they see the desperation in my eyes,
And they wave good-bye without waiting to know

Or hear the wistful words that die
On the lips of an admiring freak.

Where did the time go;
Where is the me of yesterday?
Where did my dreams go,
And why am I here today?

How did I get here
And can I go back?
The future’s not clear;
My vision’s gone black.

Dare I go on,
Must I keep to this course?
Is the past really gone,
Am I cut off from my source?

No longer a choice,
The path has been taken;
No longer a voice
To say, “I was mistaken.”